The 23 answers to the 23 questions I will ask everyone in order to decide if I can really love them

I've been reading a lot of Chuck Klosterman lately. I wouldn't say I think he's great. I think he's kind of me. He makes references that have to come directly from my head. And, his Killing Yourself to Live: 85% of a True Story seems a lot like something I would cook up some strange but oddly normal Friday night over drinks.

He also poses things that make me think they have to be directed at me - such as the section of Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs: A Low Culture Manifesto. I wouldn't feel right (nor legal) directly copying the section. So, instead, I will just give you my answers to his questions.

The (answers to the) twenty-three questions I ask everybody I meet in order to decide if I can really love them:

1. This is a toughie. Albert Einstein's discoveries probably would have been made by now. I mean he's no Tesla or anything. Then again, how can we be sure this magician is unique? I mean, if there is only one of him in the world, then I pick him. If not, it's a push.
2. I would not attempt to do this. Not every political prisoner is innocent.
3. Hitler's skull.
4. Yes, so he will be out of the League in four years.
5. This is an interesting question. Basically, even though I dig Alice in Chains, it is effectively giving up music in your life. I listen to music all the time. So would I give that up just to keep my soulmate out of some moderate pain every few years? Man. That's the altruistic answer. So, has all the altruism been sucked out of me? Have the bastards ground me down?
6. Hell no.
7. Presidential thyroid cancer.
8. I've happily dealt with far worse than Dark Crystal.
9. Decrease.
10. I have no idea.
11. Exit the theater.
12. $100
13. Oh shit.
14. Cats would love it, as we love Peanuts.
15. Sadly, I would spend the next 14 days at work. Over the past couple months, I have realized I am actually really good at my job. And I would like to enjoy that for just a little bit longer.
16. You can't resist it. Embrace it.
17. Trust the first one.
18. Ten minutes on the moon.
19. Muscle spasm.
20. I love documentaries.
21. Two years earlier.
22. The first rumor is the most troubling.
23. Uhh. Weird?