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30 July 2008
29 July 2008
That's Right (You are from Texas)
In news from back home:
…A housewarming shower for the new offices of Texas Agri-Life Extension will be held August 6th from 4:30-6:30pm at the Nita Lea Building at 903 14th Street. The event is hosted by Hereford Cattlewomen and Panhandle Dairy Women…
That might be the most country blurb I have ever read.
…A housewarming shower for the new offices of Texas Agri-Life Extension will be held August 6th from 4:30-6:30pm at the Nita Lea Building at 903 14th Street. The event is hosted by Hereford Cattlewomen and Panhandle Dairy Women…
That might be the most country blurb I have ever read.
28 July 2008
Things you didn't think you could miss about Austin, Texas
No, seriously. There are probably 50 Brazillion better Chinese joints in my neighborhood. But, I fucking miss PF fucking Changs.
And I didn't know I did (or could) until I was on the phone with Kristal earlier tonight. There had been a little mix-up in the grocery shopping tonight. Between me, shallots and scallions.
Now, let me back this up. I'll just do it this way. About 3 this afternoon, I was e-mailed the following shopping list:
Fresh parsley
Fresh Thyme
1 Shallot (type of onion)
large cucumber
grape tomatoes
small red onion
2 avocados
fresh cilantro
1 jalapeno pepper
2 limes
french baguette
soft goat cheese
chipotle chili powder
cooking spray
4 boneless skinless chicken breasts
Now, there's a good chance that if you're reading this, you're a Texan that has never lived in New York before. That means, there's a good chance you've never been grocery shopping in New York. Which means you can't fathom that the above list required me to hit THREE different stores FOUR different times. Total.
I found jalapenos at one store. One. Baguettes? Well, I was upstairs, perusing the immense kitchenwares section (read: lowering my urge to kill) when I hear them announce baguettes are now on sale for 75 cents. I sprint downstairs to find empty baskets.
Tonight? While grocery shopping? I threw a pitchfork. I killed a guy.
So, shallots. Tonight, at grocery store number two (which, btw, is my favorite, solely because they stock Sweet Leaf Tea), I grabbed what was labelled as "shallots." Turns out, they were scallions. Now, having never used, needed or eaten either ... well, I was at a severe disadvantage.
Which of course means, I got a horticultural lesson in my apartment and re-dispatched to grocery store number one. Who should get off its ass and stock Sweet Leaf. The fuckers.
ANYWAY, I'm talking to Kristal, asking her to help me identify shallots. And she says, scallions are the things in PF Chang's beef broccoli.
I've never wanted anything more in my life.
I drooled on the 3 year old who was setting the bear trap at my feet and smiled at the lady aiming the RPG at my cart. Hey. I told you grocery shopping in New York was rough.
And I didn't know I did (or could) until I was on the phone with Kristal earlier tonight. There had been a little mix-up in the grocery shopping tonight. Between me, shallots and scallions.
Now, let me back this up. I'll just do it this way. About 3 this afternoon, I was e-mailed the following shopping list:
Fresh parsley
Fresh Thyme
1 Shallot (type of onion)
large cucumber
grape tomatoes
small red onion
2 avocados
fresh cilantro
1 jalapeno pepper
2 limes
french baguette
soft goat cheese
chipotle chili powder
cooking spray
4 boneless skinless chicken breasts
Now, there's a good chance that if you're reading this, you're a Texan that has never lived in New York before. That means, there's a good chance you've never been grocery shopping in New York. Which means you can't fathom that the above list required me to hit THREE different stores FOUR different times. Total.
I found jalapenos at one store. One. Baguettes? Well, I was upstairs, perusing the immense kitchenwares section (read: lowering my urge to kill) when I hear them announce baguettes are now on sale for 75 cents. I sprint downstairs to find empty baskets.
Tonight? While grocery shopping? I threw a pitchfork. I killed a guy.
So, shallots. Tonight, at grocery store number two (which, btw, is my favorite, solely because they stock Sweet Leaf Tea), I grabbed what was labelled as "shallots." Turns out, they were scallions. Now, having never used, needed or eaten either ... well, I was at a severe disadvantage.
Which of course means, I got a horticultural lesson in my apartment and re-dispatched to grocery store number one. Who should get off its ass and stock Sweet Leaf. The fuckers.
ANYWAY, I'm talking to Kristal, asking her to help me identify shallots. And she says, scallions are the things in PF Chang's beef broccoli.
I've never wanted anything more in my life.
I drooled on the 3 year old who was setting the bear trap at my feet and smiled at the lady aiming the RPG at my cart. Hey. I told you grocery shopping in New York was rough.
I heart the subway
When I first moved here (read: A period of time that started when I put the moving truck in park and ended about a day ago) I thought of the subway system as this city's shiv. Everything seems normal. Nothing going on. WHAM! Hidden blade in your gut. Hand covered in blood. Face torqued in agony. WHY!?! OH, WHY ME!??
Then, I started wrapping my mind around it (read: I started looking at maps and - much more importantly - listening to a certain someone.) Now, I kind of dig the subway. Sure, nothing I can think of is more miserable than realizing you've been sweating on your walk when you are greeted with an inferno of still, warm, thick, immobile air 60 feet below the surface of God's earth. Is it too late for that protective sheath of deodorant? I've even started liking the little rats. I root for them in their battle against the football sized ones. I know they're doomed. Like Colt McCoy. But that's what makes sports fun.
But, my favorite thing about the subway? Never in my life have I been so sure I'm on a hidden camera show. Also? I realize representative democracy works. I never have to wonder why we have so many freaks in Congress. We, the voting public, are just doing our jobs.
“In your country club, your church and business, about 15 percent of the people are screwballs, lightweights and boobs and you would not want those people unrepresented in Congress." -- Former Wyoming Sen. Alan K. Simpson, who - CLEARLY - never rode the subway enough, based on those numbers.
Then, I started wrapping my mind around it (read: I started looking at maps and - much more importantly - listening to a certain someone.) Now, I kind of dig the subway. Sure, nothing I can think of is more miserable than realizing you've been sweating on your walk when you are greeted with an inferno of still, warm, thick, immobile air 60 feet below the surface of God's earth. Is it too late for that protective sheath of deodorant? I've even started liking the little rats. I root for them in their battle against the football sized ones. I know they're doomed. Like Colt McCoy. But that's what makes sports fun.
But, my favorite thing about the subway? Never in my life have I been so sure I'm on a hidden camera show. Also? I realize representative democracy works. I never have to wonder why we have so many freaks in Congress. We, the voting public, are just doing our jobs.
“In your country club, your church and business, about 15 percent of the people are screwballs, lightweights and boobs and you would not want those people unrepresented in Congress." -- Former Wyoming Sen. Alan K. Simpson, who - CLEARLY - never rode the subway enough, based on those numbers.
26 July 2008
Greetings from Brooklyn
OK, you can't tell it, but, yes, that is a limo with swing up doors. I guess they were running low on gull wing doors.
20 July 2008
19 July 2008
Today's discovery
It's fucking hard to not clap when the Yankees fuck up. Even in a bar full of their shithead fans.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile
18 July 2008
And now for something completely different
I was one minute late to work this morning. Because of a fucking Miley Cyrus concert.
On the plus side, I did get to walk by the scene with Pink Floyd's Us and Them on the iPod. Well, played, shuffle play music gods. Well played indeed.
On the down side, I watched a woman tell a bunch of 12 year old girls to "get the fuck out of her way. I don't have time for this fucking bullshit." And she didn't call earmuffs, either.
Back to the plus side, two blocks past Bryant Park, I saw another group of preteens (4 girls, 1 guy) wandering around with maps and (what looked like) autograph pads. Though my personal sense of direction was on a northbound train at that moment, I volunteered directions. "The Miley Cyrus show is that way."
From an octave approximating a dog mauling a squeaktoy came, "MILEY CYRUS IS PLAYING A SHOW??!?"
The look on the guy's face was priceless. Get used to being dragged to shit, kid. Maybe, later today, I'll tell you all about me and my personal sense of direction catching The Dark Knight at midnight last night.
On the plus side, I did get to walk by the scene with Pink Floyd's Us and Them on the iPod. Well, played, shuffle play music gods. Well played indeed.
On the down side, I watched a woman tell a bunch of 12 year old girls to "get the fuck out of her way. I don't have time for this fucking bullshit." And she didn't call earmuffs, either.
Back to the plus side, two blocks past Bryant Park, I saw another group of preteens (4 girls, 1 guy) wandering around with maps and (what looked like) autograph pads. Though my personal sense of direction was on a northbound train at that moment, I volunteered directions. "The Miley Cyrus show is that way."
From an octave approximating a dog mauling a squeaktoy came, "MILEY CYRUS IS PLAYING A SHOW??!?"
The look on the guy's face was priceless. Get used to being dragged to shit, kid. Maybe, later today, I'll tell you all about me and my personal sense of direction catching The Dark Knight at midnight last night.
17 July 2008
16 July 2008
It's always the Texans
Now, I know I have been here a grand total of two weeks. And I swear I will never let this town take away my sense of wonderment. I refuse to let everything be routine. All in all? Not going to be a brick in the wall. Sure I haven't been more than a 20 block radius in ... shit. Since going to Jersey two Sundays ago? Holy Hell. Can that be right? Good grief, I think it is.
ANYWAY. I hop on my train last night to go home. We stop at Rock-A-Fella Center. I'm closest to the door. It opens, and there stand two guys in Astros hats and jersies with their All Star Game tickets around their necks. Yeah. Standing in the subway station. In New York. With their tickets to the last All Star Game in the House That Ruth Built. Around their necks.
Before I could get out the classic Matt Belew line "you folks here for the game?" they ask me, (yeah, people in New York asking me for directions ... gooooood idea.) "Will this train take us to the game?"
"Yeah, but it's a local."(My personal sense of navigation later told me this wasn't true on game days. Again, this is why you don't ask me directions. You ask me to call her.)
"Isn't the game in the city?"
Oy. Texans.
ANYWAY. I hop on my train last night to go home. We stop at Rock-A-Fella Center. I'm closest to the door. It opens, and there stand two guys in Astros hats and jersies with their All Star Game tickets around their necks. Yeah. Standing in the subway station. In New York. With their tickets to the last All Star Game in the House That Ruth Built. Around their necks.
Before I could get out the classic Matt Belew line "you folks here for the game?" they ask me, (yeah, people in New York asking me for directions ... gooooood idea.) "Will this train take us to the game?"
"Yeah, but it's a local."(My personal sense of navigation later told me this wasn't true on game days. Again, this is why you don't ask me directions. You ask me to call her.)
Oy. Texans.
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